Finding a Job, Finding Faith

17 days until graduation

30+ job applied to

3 interviews

0 job offers

1 God

 

 this is a ramble, so be forewarned...

 

finding employment has been really hard for me

especially since i'm VERY confused about which industry i want to enter -- confused about what will make me feel like i'm on the right path towards completing my purpose

the constant dropping of resumes and cover letters into the black hole that is online applications becomes exhausting

the doubt about what will happen once i walk down the graduation aisle becomes overwhelming

the idea that i might have to move home until i find a quality job/enough money to pay rent becomes increasingly acceptable

i used to want to be a movie star

i imagined myself on red carpets, draped in borrowed jewelry, smiling on the covers of magazines

BUT that didn't feel true for me, i realized i also wanted to be a mother, a wife - i wanted stability and a livelihood that still excited and pushed me, but would also support the part of me that longed for a family

sometimes i get (very) impatient with God:

i want an answer right now! i want to know if i'm making the right decisions! why aren't you helping me??

 

i have to force myself to take a deep breath and remind myself that God works in ways that i cannot always understand

He takes His time, forces us to sometimes make our own mistakes so we can truly trust in Him and his guidance

lately i have found myself wrapped up in the game of employment -- the jealousy of friends who already have jobs, the fear of failure, the desire to succeed

i forget that the game is not the point

that the game will end but faith will remain